We all tell ourselves little white lies. I’ll just have one more cookie. I’m only going to watch one more episode. In reality, most of us couldn’t say these with conviction or a straight face.

But, what happens when little white lies aren’t so little anymore and become “real?”

Read on to learn more!

The Role of Perspective

“Think fast!” As a boy mom, I cringe, duck, and brace for the worst when I hear those 2 words. THAT phrase is generally followed by an object being thrown in my direction. My sons perceive it as lightly tossing something to me. I perceive it as having something thrown at me. 

My sons and I are experiencing the same event, but how we perceive it is entirely different. Why? Perspective is subjective.

Perspective is biased due to influences. Personally, the game of catch feels like dodgeball from hell, which in turn, influences my attitude. My mood defines how I think about objects flying in my direction. My knowledge and understanding of statistics put the likelihood of me catching anything as low. Overall, my perspective on this situation is biased and primarily pessimistic.

Cognitive Distortions

Biases in viewpoints can lead to negative thinking.

For example, you didn’t know a few answers on your exam this morning. The more you think about it, the worse you think you did. You go from not knowing a few answers to thinking you might have failed the test. 

We can all agree that this thinking pattern took the scenario up a few notches. Burns (1999) referred to negative thinking patterns, like the above example, as cognitive distortions.

A cognitive distortion is an exaggerated thinking pattern that leads you to perceive things more negatively than they are. As a result, you begin to believe negative things about yourself and the world around you that are false.

Take some deep breaths. Don’t panic. Everyone experiences cognitive distortions. It just comes with the territory of being human. The good news is that I have listed the 15 types of cognitive distortions. Now you can identify them! The days of your mind playing tricks on you are numbered.

Let’s put these cognitive distortions in their place and out your thoughts!

1. All or Nothing: “Demanding Perfection”

All or Nothing is viewing yourself, others, or situations in extremes. Anything less than perfect falls into the lesser extreme. All or Nothing thinking highlights mistakes and flaws while discrediting strengths, accomplishments, and efforts.

Example: I didn’t get a perfect score on my test. I’m a failure.

2. Overgeneralization: “This always happens.”

Overgeneralization is believing if something unfavorable happens once, it will continue happening. There is no evidence or logical reason to assume a single negative experience is part of a repeating cycle; it is a broad assumption.

Example: You just filed for divorce and begin beating yourself up. You tell yourself you will be single for the rest of your life.

3. Mental Filtering

Negative Mental Filtering: “Tunnel Vision”

Negative Mental Filtering focuses only on the negative by filtering out all of the positives. An entire situation can seem awful when, in reality, only a minor detail is bad. Working solely with negative information distorts the big picture and leads to being pessimistic.

Example:  You got one problem wrong on a test. You still got an A, but all you can think about are the questions you got wrong.

Disqualifying the Positive: “That can’t be true.”

Disqualifying the Positive is invalidating positive feedback. Favorable outcomes happen by accident or coincidence. Talent, good decisions, or self-discipline are not taken into consideration.

Example: You get a perfect score on a test. You tell your friends it has nothing to do with your intelligence or study skills. You just lucked out.

4. Jumping to Conclusions

Mind Reading: “I know what you are thinking.”

Mind Reading is presuming you know what others are thinking. Conclusions are based on assumptions and personal interpretations rather than facts or evidence. 

Example: Everyone judges you at the gym for being out of shape.

Fortune Telling: “I know how this one ends.”

Fortune Telling is making predictions that things will turn out badly. The prediction is seen as a fact instead of one of multiple possible outcomes.

Example: All of your friends are happily married with kids. You are single and know you will never find love or have a family.

5. Catastrophizing

Minimizing: “Shrinking the positive”

Minimizing is acknowledging the positive but opting to downplay the importance of it. While you may feel you are keeping a humble mindset, you are putting yourself down.

Example: I got employee of the month. It is no big deal.

Magnifying “What if…”

Magnifying is when a thought quickly escalates into a worst-case scenario. Negative thoughts are fueled by uncertainty, fear, and “what if” thinking. 

Example: Your husband says, “We need to talk when you get home.” You instantly panic, and by the end of the day, you have narrowed it down to either he is dying or wants a divorce. You brace yourself for the worst.

6. Emotional Reasoning: “It’s true. I can feel it.”

Emotional Reasoning is believing everything you feel is true. Emotions can override logic and contradicting evidence is ignored. Feelings are not based on reality and can change rapidly. 

Example: No one has texted me today. I feel lonely. Nobody likes me.

7. Should Mentality: “Should feel…, Should do…”

Should Statements dictate what you’re supposed to do and how you’re supposed to feel. Statements often include should, must, or ought to. The focus is on what you are not doing, what others expect of you, or how you expect things should be. Statements can serve as motivation, but they often result in excessive pressure to achieve unattainable targets or ambitions.

Example: You should feel over the moon when you leave the hospital with your new baby. You must lose all of the baby weight in 6 months. Your neighbors think your home should always be clean. You feel your husband ought to be home by 5 P.M. on weekdays.

8. Labeling: “Name Calling”

Labeling is judging oneself or others based on a mistake, an incident, or a characteristic. The label is generally harsh, based on emotions, and is inaccurate.

Example: Your waitress forgot your order. You label her as lazy. 

9. Personalization: “Making it personal.”

Personalization is taking everything personally. What people say or do is a reaction to you.

Example: I saw on Facebook that my friends went to lunch without me. They didn’t invite me on purpose.

10. Blaming: “It’s not my fault.”

Blaming is when a person holds others responsible for the outcome of a situation. Personal responsibility is disregarded, and the individual takes on a victim role.

Example: It is his fault I got a bad grade.

11. Control Fallacies

External Control Fallacy: “My life is out of my control.”

When a person experiences the External Control Fallacy, they feel everything is out of their control and that they do not influence how situations turn out. They may blame bad luck, others, or external forces.

Example: My kids and I are always late to everything, no matter what I do. Something always goes wrong. It is just a given.

Internal Control Fallacy: “Everything is my fault.”

Individuals who experience the Internal Control Fallacy believe they are responsible for every mishap and hold themselves responsible for others’ thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Example: Your child brought home a bad grade. You instantly feel like you are a horrible mother. This is all your fault for not being more involved. You should have studied with your child to ensure he was prepared for his test.

12. Fallacy of Fairness: “What do you mean life isn’t fair?”

The Fallacy of Fairness is the conviction that life should be fair. However, fairness is subjective and there is no universal scale to measure what is fair.

Example: My friend and I have similar jobs, but his company pays him more. It is not fair. We should get paid the same.

13. Fallacy of Change: “Change leads to happiness.”

The Fallacy of Change is a mindset where an individual believes that happiness can only be achieved by others changing. However, this notion often results in everyone involved being unhappy. The person who is being pressured to change may feel resentment. Even if the person does change, the individual who encouraged the change is no happier than before. Happiness comes from within oneself and cannot be attained through external factors.

Example: I would be happier if my husband were more organized.

14. Always Right: “There is no way I’m wrong!”

The term “Always Right” refers to a person who believes that their opinions are facts and they are never wrong. They do not accept the possibility of agreeing to disagree and will make great efforts to prove their beliefs. They prioritize proving themselves right over showing empathy or understanding towards others. Typically, their body language and tone come off as condescending.

Example: My brother always wants to talk about politics. He sees his opinions as facts, and anyone who sees things differently is wrong.

15. Heaven’s Reward Fallacy: “Hard work pays off.”

Heaven’s Reward is the belief that sacrifice and hard work are always rewarded. When the ideal result doesn’t materialize, disappointment, anger, frustration, and depression can result.

Example: If I stay home and study, I will graduate college with a high GPA. 

You’ve got this because you are awesome! Internet high-five. -Kim

Learn how to Navigate your thoughts!

Burns, D. D. (1999). Feeling good. Harper Collins.

Covey, S. (2013). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change (25th Anniversary Edition). Rosettabooks.

For more information on Cognitive Distortions, check out David Burns’ website which includes books, blogs, and podcasts.